I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
