I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
