hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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