So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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