I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
