and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The struggles of a small town man whore
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
