my vag is so smooth its legendary
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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