The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
