i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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