just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
