she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
