I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
