She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
