I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
