Texts From Last Night · I_Didn_Do_It's Favorites

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I_Didn_Do_It's Favorites Texts:

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(602): View more from Arizona

I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.

Fav 1 73 45
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(206): View more from Washington

I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day

Fav 5 995 508
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(336): View more from North Carolina

My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.

Fav 3 1132 537
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(425): View more from Washington

I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"

Fav 3 1162 515
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(716): View more from New York

It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?

Fav 2 789 475
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(630): View more from Illinois

The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

Fav 2 1562 583
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(734): View more from Michigan

I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse

Fav 2 930 532
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(970): View more from Colorado

Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes

Fav 5 1843 679
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