Texts From Last Night · JTH1083's Favorites

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(803): View more from South Carolina

life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

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(954): View more from Florida

Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best

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(734): View more from Michigan

What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"

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(513): View more from Ohio

He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

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(830): View more from Texas

Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.

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(313): View more from Michigan

awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport

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(205): View more from Alabama

i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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(+33): View more from France

how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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(646): View more from New York

He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

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(443): View more from Maryland

I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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(301): View more from Maryland

The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes

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(818): View more from California

Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...

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(901): View more from Tennessee

so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.

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(419): View more from Ohio

He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Girls should come with a carfax report

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(905): View more from Toronto

In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience

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(714): View more from California

Ikea night.

(949): View more from California

?

(714): View more from California

Insert tab A into swedish slot B

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"

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(678): View more from Georgia

You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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(219): View more from Indiana

surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

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(404): View more from Georgia

My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

(1-218): View more from Minnesota

Both?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

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(972): View more from Texas

Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

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(305): View more from Florida

look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.

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(706): View more from Georgia

This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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(585): View more from New York

you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

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(847): View more from Illinois

You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

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(931): View more from Tennessee

drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

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(716): View more from New York

Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

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(585): View more from New York

when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

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(540): View more from Virginia

For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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(706): View more from Georgia

yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning

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(905): View more from Toronto

FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

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(210): View more from Texas

hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.

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(303): View more from Colorado

She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

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(757): View more from Virginia

You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

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(269): View more from Michigan

My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

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(305): View more from Florida

you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

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(631): View more from New York

well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

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(602): View more from Arizona

I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was like, "um, that's my butthole."

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.

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(330): View more from Ohio

so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

(216): View more from Ohio

i hate you

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(859): View more from Kentucky

he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"

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(513): View more from Ohio

How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

(973): View more from New Jersey

That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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(513): View more from Ohio

he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

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(404): View more from Georgia

one word: firstdatebathroomanal

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(850): View more from Florida

Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

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(562): View more from California

I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

My brain says no but my pants say off.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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(916): View more from California

He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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(515): View more from Iowa

You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Deal!

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

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(480): View more from Arizona

I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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(310): View more from California

she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex

(1-310): View more from California

wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh

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(317): View more from Indiana

I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex

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(516): View more from New York

gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long

(917): View more from New York City

Thats what she said

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(720): View more from Colorado

I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

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(716): View more from New York

He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(858): View more from California

last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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(954): View more from Florida

It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Actions speak louder than pants.

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(404): View more from Georgia

look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

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(615): View more from Tennessee

arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life

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(219): View more from Indiana

she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.

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(425): View more from Washington

her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

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(208): View more from Idaho

The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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(626): View more from California

Dignity is for republicans.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(585): View more from New York

he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

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(561): View more from Florida

hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

(407): View more from Florida

i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(850): View more from Florida

I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.

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(703): View more from Virginia

i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is

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(949): View more from California

i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.

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(515): View more from Iowa

On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

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(817): View more from Texas

At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.

(1-513): View more from Ohio

She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.

(513): View more from Ohio

She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.

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(646): View more from New York

Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?

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(914): View more from New York

When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)

(540): View more from Virginia

awesome babe! drinks tonight!

(703): View more from Virginia

Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.

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(775): View more from Nevada

before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA

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(408): View more from California

booty call

(925): View more from California

i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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(386): View more from Florida

i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

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(979): View more from Texas

Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.

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(205): View more from Alabama

woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

(1-205): View more from Alabama

yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like

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(971): View more from Oregon

this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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(817): View more from Texas

I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

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(440): View more from Ohio

Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

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(574): View more from Indiana

apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"

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(516): View more from New York

until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."

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(480): View more from Arizona

hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?

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(206): View more from Washington

i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.

(425): View more from Washington

for sure. did you let him do it?

(206): View more from Washington

thats not the point.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

(763): View more from Minnesota

is that a poem?!

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(609): View more from New Jersey

If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says

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(517): View more from Michigan

I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

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(314): View more from Missouri

so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

Yeah, but four times?

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

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(330): View more from Ohio

oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

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(317): View more from Indiana

You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

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(224): View more from Illinois

I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): View more from California

Truer words have never been spoken.

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(816): View more from Missouri

So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeeah thank god

(816): View more from Missouri

Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.

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(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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(415): View more from California

how hairy? two words: wookie tits

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(773): View more from Illinois

I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

(325): View more from Texas

Because you touch yourself at night.

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(850): View more from Florida

You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.

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(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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(415): View more from California

This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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(516): View more from New York

She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?

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(619): View more from California

went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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(312): View more from Illinois

My room smells like vodka and shame

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(585): View more from New York

She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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(212): View more from New York

chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

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(207): View more from Maine

things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.

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(516): View more from New York

onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

(443): View more from Maryland

he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

(1-857): View more from Massachusetts

Doors?

(857): View more from Massachusetts

Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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(269): View more from Michigan

dude she's married.

(1-269): View more from Michigan

so? a ring don't cover no holes.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

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(310): View more from California

Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

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(334): View more from Alabama

Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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(410): View more from Maryland

It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

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(585): View more from New York

Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

(580): View more from Oklahoma

Really.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Its only 8 and she is already passed out

(1-702): View more from Nevada

Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2

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(281): View more from Texas

Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

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(905): View more from Ontario

he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

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(571): View more from Virginia

non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

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(229): View more from Georgia

my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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(770): View more from Georgia

I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

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(703): View more from Virginia

the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

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(212): View more from New York

I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them

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(850): View more from Florida

Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

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(360): View more from Washington

Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month

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(586): View more from Michigan

Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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(703): View more from Virginia

he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

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(970): View more from Colorado

the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

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(843): View more from South Carolina

when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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(205): View more from Alabama

you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

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