Texts From Last Night · afetsch's Favorites

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afetsch's Favorites Texts:

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(301): View more from Maryland

Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.

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(239): View more from Florida

Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.

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(585): View more from New York

I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

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(917): View more from New York City

What the hell happened to my hand?

(646): View more from New York

Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".

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(513): View more from Ohio

Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.

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