Texts From Last Night · ciaoroma's Favorites

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ciaoroma's Favorites Texts:

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

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(760): View more from California

It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.

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(206): View more from Washington

buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night

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(571): View more from Virginia

we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

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(415): View more from California

Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

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(469): View more from Texas

I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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(760): View more from California

I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.

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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(816): View more from Missouri

Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.

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(512): View more from Texas

want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND

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(409): View more from Texas

Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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(708): View more from Illinois

she fell through a window trying to flash someone

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

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(817): View more from Texas

His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart

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(910): View more from North Carolina

he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

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(712): View more from Iowa

They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

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(360): View more from Washington

Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.

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(816): View more from Missouri

and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.

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(303): View more from Colorado

If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you

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(914): View more from New York

my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

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(253): View more from Washington

once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america

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(765): View more from Indiana

We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny

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(907): View more from Alaska

We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him

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(360): View more from Washington

Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..

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(847): View more from Illinois

i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

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(630): View more from Illinois

Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

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(316): View more from Kansas

The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech

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(925): View more from California

if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars

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(773): View more from Illinois

Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

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(847): View more from Illinois

And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

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(304): View more from West Virginia

when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

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(816): View more from Missouri

Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

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(845): View more from New York

im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

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(360): View more from Washington

im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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(850): View more from Florida

does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.

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(512): View more from Texas

He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.

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(703): View more from Virginia

of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

(478): View more from Georgia

Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

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(830): View more from Texas

What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

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(907): View more from Alaska

HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!

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(714): View more from California

considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned

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(315): View more from New York

And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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(347): View more from New York

He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

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(916): View more from California

she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

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(217): View more from Illinois

just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

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(516): View more from New York

That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

(1-516): View more from New York

yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

(516): View more from New York

Do you have to put it that way?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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(815): View more from Illinois

The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.

(928): View more from Arizona

wow.

(815): View more from Illinois

But it's a REALLY good back rub.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem

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(440): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

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(518): View more from New York

I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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(618): View more from Illinois

There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.

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(850): View more from Florida

it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

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(516): View more from New York

There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

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(812): View more from Indiana

obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

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(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.

(315): View more from New York

You would pick up a guy in AA.

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(347): View more from New York

Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"

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(408): View more from California

his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

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(705): View more from Ontario

From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

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(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Did I show you my penis last night?

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(801): View more from Utah

Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

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(559): View more from California

Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

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(636): View more from Missouri

& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

(636): View more from Missouri

HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

(617): View more from Massachusetts

you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

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(703): View more from Virginia

does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

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(281): View more from Texas

He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

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(360): View more from Washington

Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

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(803): View more from South Carolina

some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

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(713): View more from Texas

I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk

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(201): View more from New Jersey

He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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(516): View more from New York

Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

What's the big deal? you guys fuck

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate

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(719): View more from Colorado

You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.

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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(804): View more from Virginia

IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.

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(310): View more from California

I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

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(810): View more from Michigan

He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

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(214): View more from Texas

I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

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(303): View more from Colorado

One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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(909): View more from California

I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

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(250): View more from British Columbia

When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

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(727): View more from Florida

These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.

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(630): View more from Illinois

It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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(815): View more from Illinois

drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life

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(513): View more from Ohio

And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.

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(917): View more from New York City

He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other

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(678): View more from Georgia

Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

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(763): View more from Minnesota

He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

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(276): View more from Virginia

I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem

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(240): View more from Maryland

He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You know i think she's just using me for sex

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

I hate you.

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(937): View more from Ohio

This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

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(716): View more from New York

i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.

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(305): View more from Florida

MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"

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(708): View more from Illinois

youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

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(804): View more from Virginia

She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

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(916): View more from California

I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

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(407): View more from Florida

Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.

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(314): View more from Missouri

doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

(504): View more from Louisiana

I'm out of practice. be my yoda

(314): View more from Missouri

put your penis in her you must.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

that's awkward

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(847): View more from Illinois

better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say

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(303): View more from Colorado

you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

K. On the way. I need a drink.

(904): View more from Florida

Like a drink drink or like water?

(601): View more from Mississippi

Have we met?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.

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(804): View more from Virginia

...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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(914): View more from New York

Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

(914): View more from New York

Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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