Texts From Last Night · sgtclarkster's Favorites

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sgtclarkster's Favorites Texts:

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(927): View more from

Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.

Fav 1 995 386
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(706): View more from Georgia

It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table

Fav 2 475 581
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(856): View more from New Jersey

Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.

Fav 5 501 1274
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(512): View more from Texas

He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.

Fav 5 630 523
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.

Fav 2 481 764
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."

Fav 0 1428 437
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey

Fav 9 2875 898
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(317): View more from Indiana

I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given

Fav 2 910 596
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