Texts From Last Night · unicornjizzle's Favorites

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unicornjizzle's Favorites Texts:

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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(425): View more from Washington

couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

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(352): View more from Florida

I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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(315): View more from New York

idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

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