Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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