Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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