I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
