you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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