i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
