We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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