she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
