Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
