Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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