Are we in a gay sports bar?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
