smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
