I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
