I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Enjoy the penises
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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