he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
