Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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