Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
