I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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