So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
