Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Less talking, more tequila
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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