you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
