I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
