guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
