Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we made out on top of his cat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
