Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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