Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
