i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
