How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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