We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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