o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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