the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
